Crystallized Pineapples
by Overjoyed Cookies
Summary: Because there is one thing Professor Slughorn would do anything for, even give Harry a certain memory.


Because I sort of needed a first fic and everything, and I was in the mood for crack, so I thought, why not?

Harry. Is. Ooc. I'm screaming this on top of my lungs and I'm not one bit ashamed of it.

Also, please let me point out that even though I kind of make fun of a bunch of characters, I love them all to death.

**Disclaimer: **You know what I own? Not Harry Potter. Sadly.

* * *

Harry Potter, also known as The-Boy-Who-Lived-But-Was-Most-Usually-Called-The-Chosen-One-Now-And-Frankly-It-Was-Getting-On-His-Nerves, was in quite a predicament.

It wasn't that Harry didn't have faith in his headmaster, but this was a bit too odd for whatever is left of his sanity to handle. How, for Merlin's sake, was he supposed to convince a quirky, powerful wizard that he had only known for _months _to give him something he had even refused Dumbledore?

Harry thought it through for days, but couldn't find a solution. He had an odd feeling that an alternate him of sorts would at some point use the Felix Felicis, but frankly, he had better things to waste the potion on.

He made a few awkward attempts at confronting Slughorn about it, but once the man realized what was going on, he began avoiding Harry.

It got even more annoying when he realized thought that the past self of He-Who-Has-No-Nose was able to subtract information from the professor so easily. _Obviously, _Riddle had gotten the answers he wanted, otherwise Slughorn would have no reason to fake the memory.

How on earth had Riddle done it when Harry couldn't, then?! Was he smarter than Harry? Hell to the- well, actually, yes. Was he a better manipulator? Er...he was sort of that, too. Was he more handsome than Harry? Unrelated, but yes. Still!

What the hell was the trick?! What was the one thing Slughorn would do anything for? All of a sudden, the image of his professor munching on crystallized pineapple and waving his sugar-coated finger came to Harry's mind. He grinned devilishly.

_Bingo!_

* * *

Harry remained in a good mood all through that day and the next, and when the time for potions came, he was so excited he could almost giggle like a little girl. It hadn't been easy to obtain the item, but he had, and now it was resting safely on the inner pocket of his robes. Oh, victory was so near that Harry could almost smell it...

Oh. Wait. What he smelled was actually his potion, to which he _might _not have paid much attention to, since he was busy, cackling in evil glee and all...Cursing under his breath, he quickly flipped through a few pages in the Half-Blood Prince's book, trying to find a way to fix the mess he had unintentionally caused.

Hermione smiled at him sardonically, in a way he never kne she could. "I see that Prince of yours finally disappointed you, eh?"

"No, my attention span did," Harry murmured, working hastily to fix his potion.

Hermione inwardly rolled her eyes at how far he was willing to go in order to defend that ridiculous book and its previous owner. The girl _seriously_ disliked it. It wasn't like she was jealous of Harry's sudden success in potions, not at all; it was merely that this 'Prince' gave her a really bad feeling.

_When _he turned out to be some sort of creeper (probably with a green-eyes fetish), Harry would have an "I told you so!" to hear.

When class was finally over, Harry with the help of the authoress pulled a plot-no-jutsu so that no one would noticed that he stayed behind. Grinning madly, he approached Professor Slughorn.

(He really was in an odd mood. For a moment he almost worried that the hocrux inside of him was affecting him, but then he remembered that he wasn't supposed to know about the Hocruxes yet.)

"Well then, Professor," he purred, making Slughorn abruptly turn to him, "I will ask nicely only once: Will you give me the true memory?"

Slughorn widened his eyes slightly. "I don't know what-"

"But you do. And..."

Dramatically, Harry pulled out of his inner pocket a can full of crystallized pineapples.

"You give me what I want; I give you what I want. Otherwise, I fear I will have no other choice but to eat these in front of you."

Ten minutes later, Harry Potter was happily skipping to Dumbledore's office, holding a vial in his hands, which also happened to contain a certain memory.

* * *

I've googled crystallized pineapples, you know. They look quite tasty. I think I would gladly give up a few embarrasing memories for them. Although, as far as I am aware, none of them include explaining to a dark wizard how to become immortal.

Anyway. Review, fave, bake cookies, travel to Narnia...Oh, do whatever makes you happy.


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